Results 1 to 9 of 9
  1. Secrect EDEN Researcher Center in Los Angeles?

    I have a great fan fic idea i want to share but i am still working out the kinks. when im done be sure to to reply with what you think of it

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Texas, United States
    Posts
    47
    Awesome man! I can't wait to read it.
    I'm working on my own fan fic too for everyone else to read as well.

    Question, what is the story about? And I'm assuming it takes place in a secret EDEN research center in Los Angeles?

    Looking forward to your Fan-Fic release bro.
    You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'” - George Bernard Shaw

  3. Can't give anything away but i should be able to post it up by thursday

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Texas, United States
    Posts
    47
    Understandable.

    Oh sweet! Well at least someone is going to be releasing their story before mine, haha. My story will take a little while to complete.
    You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'” - George Bernard Shaw

  5. Well here it is my first ever fan fic also sorry if its long i wanted to add as much stuff as possible


    His eyes slowly opened with the same boredom as every other day. Slowly getting up from his bed, subject d3174 or “Delta” as he was called, rubbed his eyes from their drowsiness. Looking down at his hands he saw what he looked at every day, a small metal disc in the middle of his palms with pieces if wiring that stretched out into each of his fingers. It still felt like yesterday when he had first signed up for Project Shadow-Walker. Slowly he got up to his feet, the cold tile floor meeting his bare feet made him shiver. After washing up, he slipped on his shadow-walker uniform which in comparison with a standard EDEN wasn’t all that different except for one thing, the Greek symbols for Alpha and Omega were on the left side of the chest. Before leaving his room for training, Delta looked to his right. In a glass case was his armor. It resemble a Nightman armor set almost identically except for two things, the armor they had was blue and black and on the face place carve in from his knife was drawing of a Bakma skull which took up the entire front piece of the helmet. Strapped to its leg was a Z-24 Pelican submachine gun and on its back were two crossed fold out swords. But what made these swords different was that the sharpened edges of the sword could be cover in plasma making them have the ability to cut through almost any substances. But the armor was the whole reason for the experimental soldiers. The armor had the ability to “skip” as it was called by the cerotopians, meaning they could almost instantly teleport from one area to another in the blink of an eye. But the Armor doesn’t teleport in a sense, it merely creates a sphere of dark energy and matter which always to move faster then the human eye essentially making it “teleport”. The only thing is if your body doesn’t accept the implants that the armor need in order to stay in sync with your body, then your body is shred to microscopic pieces because of the speed. “when do I get to use that?” thought Delta. Looking down at his arms and feet, he stills sees the faint glow of the implants running through his body and he always asks the same question…was it worth it? Slowly he turned around and closed the door to his room. As he walked to training he was still pondering the question when he ran into Subject Epsilon. He was always surprised by how she looked every day, her black hair and blue-gray eyes always took him by surprise. “Hey Epi” he said. She looked at him and gave him a smile that said all he need to know. The first question he asked was the only thing on his mind right now. “Do you think it was worth it for EDEN to create us?”. She looked at him strangely for a moment and answered “well considering the armor and equipment they give us come out at around 40 million dollars for each pair and there are five of us I would think so”. “But we have never run a real mission all we have are training days; I just feel that we are being wasted”. Giving him a concerned look, she said “well I don’t know about you but I’m going to head over to training and meet with the others, see ya”. Delta was standing in the hallway for what seemed like hours when his comm started beeping. When he answered it his heart slowed down for a moment. It was a mission, their first mission, and their job was to hunt down the most wanted man on the planet…. Scott Remington.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Texas, United States
    Posts
    47
    Very interesting first start for your Fan Fiction Delta. I actually do like where this story is going.

    HOWEVER! If I may, I have a bit of constructive criticism good sir.

    One, is the fact your missing a title for your Fan Fiction in your post. Is this Chapter 1 of your series? Is this Part 1? Prologue? You get my meaning. Two, it also helps to let fans know the Time, Date, Location that this story is taking place. Of course that is optional, but many fan fic writers do that. Again, optional.
    Third, if this story is going to be taking place in more than one area around the world, then I think you should change the title of your thread to the title of what your series is about. For example like, "Epic: Project Shadow Walkers" could be the title of your thread since, I'm assuming, your story is about this special project being overseen by EDEN. It would not only be improper, but also confusing for fellow Fanepics who visit your thread and before clicking it, they read the title, "Secret EDEN Researcher Center in Los Angeles?". Not only will they be confused of what this story is about once they start reading it and seeing that this is taking place in more than one area around the world and NOT in a secret EDEN research facility in Los Angeles, but they will also be thrown off by the "?" mark. When I first clicked on the thread, I thought your opening post was going to be asking members whether or not if they think a secret EDEN research base in Los Angeles would be a great idea or if you should change the location, hence the "?" mark in your thread. That was, personally, *my* initial thought when seeing the title of your thread in the forums before I clicked on this discussion board.

    And last but not least, from my, yes I can say this, several years of experience being a fan fiction writer and editor, I can tell you that it is an extreme disservice not only to yourself but primarily to your readers, when your story possesses numerous grammatical and spelling errors. When I was apart of the Gateworld Community, some new fan fiction writers would ask why in the world no one was commenting on their story or not giving it any attention. Well the easy and brutal answer to that simple question, was that they were lazy. Now I'm not saying your lazy, don't get me wrong.

    But these FanFic writers were lazy because they were lazy in their presentation to fellow members with their story. Their grammar and spelling was atrocious, their style was sloppy, and their presentation to the public was also pathetic, if not, non-existent in some cases because they didn't even bother putting an intro to their story, title, and so on and so forth.

    Think of readers as Employers. You want to attract employers to your resume. Well how do you do that? Well, you make your resume look good, well written, short and sweet concise sentences, and leave out all the useless and unnecessary mumbo jumbo. You are essentially being VERY professional, and you have GOT TO make yourself LOOK good. Its like advertising. The best advertising works when they draw in the consumers to buy whatever services/products that that business is supposedly promising with good hustling, presentation, and deceptive skills. Your employer, is YOUR consumer. Your readers, are your consumers. Make your story, your product, LOOK GOOD to them. And, not only that, but legitimately promise them what you've said about your FanFic. You said in your posts that your story was going to be *EPIC*. Then my friend, make it so.

    I've provided an example below and you can check out how I personally would present myself to the community prior to posting my story and THEN posting my FanFic. I have also linked you to a friend of mine on Gateworld.net, his name being s09119, who had an extremely successful running Stargate Fan Fiction series called "Continuing Stargate" (Follow link here: http://forum.gateworld.net/threads/5...nuing-Stargate).
    I have also included for you a link to a thread on the Fan Fiction section in Gateworld.net titled, "Fanfic Pet Peeves" (Follow link here: http://forum.gateworld.net/threads/5...fic-Pet-Peeves).

    Furthermore, I forgot to mention, but its dangerous to write with canon characters. In fact, in both FanFic and RPG communities, many authors or communities prohibit the use of their characters being used and/or written with in FanFic and RPG. They also prohibit writers/roleplayers to affect or alter the storyline's plotline in any sense whatsoever. However they do allow writers and roleplayers to create their own plots and characters in the universe so long as they don't affect actual canon material. You get what I'm saying braski?

    BUT! I have recently asked what are Lee Stephen's rules concerning this very issue(s) I mention to you and everyone else. He will let us know whether or not if we, as fans are permitted to use any of his characters in FanFics and RPGs and/or alter the plotline. But, you can mention the characters names so long as it doesn't affect the cannon. So you are okay so far with just mentioning Scott's name.

    EDIT: OH! I forgot to mention, that you can request a Beta Reader/Editor in the sticky thread "Beta Central" if you would like.

    Anyways bro, without further ado, here is the example I promised you.



    EPIC
    THE PREDATORS


    Created by Delta

    SEASON 1: "PROJECT SHADOW-WALKER", PART I
    "MANHUNT"

    Miniseries: Prologue to Series

    Written By: Delta




    Prologue: Let Loose the Wolves
    05:30 AM, Saturday 04 March, 0012 NE
    Sol System, Earth, Los Angeles, USA, Secret EDEN Research Center


    His eyes slowly opened with the same boredom as every other day. Slowly getting up from his bed, subject d3174 or “Delta” as he was called, rubbed his eyes from their drowsiness. Looking down at his hands he saw what he looked at every day, a small metal disc in the middle of his palms with pieces if wiring that stretched out into each of his fingers. It still felt like yesterday when he had first signed up....
    Last edited by 31Bravo.Mike; 01-29-2013 at 12:35 PM.
    You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, 'Why not?'” - George Bernard Shaw

  7. Thanks man this is my first fan fic ever so the next one I write(which is a follow up this) will be better

  8. Okay this is a fair warning i know there are going to be mistakes but besides those tell me what you think of part 2. also it is pretty LONG

    EPIC
    THE PREDATORS
    future_soldier_concept_art_by_fonteart-d5gkxoz.jpg


    Created by Delta
    SEASON 1: "PROJECT SHADOW-WALKER", PART 2
    "HUNTERS"
    Miniseries: Prologue to Series
    Written By: Delta



    Prologue: Let Loose the Wolves
    06:32 AM, Saturday 04 March, 0012 NE
    Sol System, Earth, Los Angeles, USA, Secret EDEN Research Center

    Pissed. That was the first word that described Delta’s mood. They had gotten a once in a life time mission only to be reassigned to deal with survivors from a downed Noboat. Delta stormed out of their Vulture, nicknamed Pegasus, with his helmet in his hands. ”Delta wait up!” said Beta, Beta was the quiet one in the group. His brown hair was buzz cut and his eyes were a light brown, he was toned with muscle but didn’t look too huge. He was 23 but looked like a 19 year and was always considered the “baby” of the group. “What!?” snarled Delta. “Look I know your mad but we just weren’t suppose to go that’s all” “But we deserved that mission but instead we killed vecking Bakma!” Beta jumped at the sound of Delta’s voice. Delta inhaled” look Beta I didn’t mean to scare you I just feel as though we aren’t appreciated by EDEN”. “I know the feeling” said a feminine voice. Delta and Beta looked towards the direction of the voice. “But I have to admit it wasn’t all that bad” said Gamma. She was an amazing look girl with fire red hair and emerald green eyes. She smiled and gave a wink to Delta, but he was too busy complaining about the mission to notice. “What are you talking about the bakma didn’t even put up a fight, we slaughtered them in less then 20 seconds…literally!” said Delta. Bakma to the shadow-walkers were nothing all it took was the activation of their Tactical Skip Mode or TSM and the Bakma were dead in the blink of an eye. Gamma frowned “But at least you did a good, I saw you out there. Five out of the seven Bakma were killed by you….with your swords, you didn’t even use your gun”. “Well it would have been a lot harder without the TSM”. “Wait I thought Alpha killed those Bakma.” Said Beta. Delta’s jaw clenched at that very name. Alpha was the worst out of them all, he was cocky arrogant one and does whatever it takes to be recognized even if it means leaving one of them to die. “He took credit for what I did!” yelled Delta. Gamma and Beta both stepped slightly forward to try and calm down Delta, but he was gone before they could say anything. Gamma sighed “why is he so hard headed”? “Don’t worry Gamma I’m sure he’ll notice how you feel eventually” said Beta. Gamma gave him a smile that said thank you for the support. In his room Delta sat on his bed, a leather wallet in his hand. He opened it up and took out a picture of his family. He didn’t know who they were, that was one of the side effects of joining shadow-walker, complete memory loss. They were told only what EDEN deemed important and that was it. No name, no family, not even where they had come from. All they knew were their blood types and their birthdays. Delta’s eyes slowly started to shimmer. Every day he tried so hard to remember something anything about them, but there was nothing. He always asked himself was it worth it for all this to happen. Slowly he put the picture back in the wallet and stowed it in a slit in his bed. He laid down and waited for sleep to come to him, but instead all he heard was a beeping. At that moment delta’s eye’s shot open. This can’t be another mission he thought. He quickly put on his armor and ran into the hanger. Standing next to Pegasus was Gamma and Beta both with helmets in hand. “Come on!” yelled Beta. Delta ran on to the Vulture and prepared for takeoff. Already inside was there pilot Luke, who was giving a run down on their mission. “Alright guys this one is going to be a fun” his said through their comms. “Approximately 20 minutes ago a squad from Richmond shot down a Bakma Noboat near Arkansas” he said. “When they landed to check for survivors they entered the ship, but found no bodies”. Great another clean up mission thought Delta. “But when exiting the Noboat they had come under heavy plasma fire”. “when searching for where it had come, from they realized it came from thin air”. Every eye opened wide with terror. “The squad believed that they had just run into Bakma with Chameleon armor”. Chameleon armor was EDEN’s worst nightmare. If Noboats could cause trouble for aircraft think of what a squad of invisible Bakma could do. “So it is now your object to find and destroy this armor, Delta and Beta you guys will be dropping in about half a click south from the area”. “Alpha, Gamma, and Epsilon will be dropped about a click to the north. Get ready first drop zone coming up”. Delta and Beta both stood up and waited by the bay door. They looked at each other and nod. “Alright drop now!” yelled Luke. The doors open and both Men ran straight into the middle of a plasma storm.

    (NOTE:the art is not by me but by http://fonteart.deviantart.com/ check him out he has some sick stuff, the picture to me represents how a shadow-walker would look)
    Last edited by Delta827; 02-04-2013 at 11:26 PM.
    "You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."
    - Leon Trotsky

  9. part 3 of the fan fic

    EPIC
    THE PREDATORS
    Created by Delta
    SEASON 1: "PROJECT SHADOW-WALKER", PART 3
    "HUNTED"
    Miniseries: Prologue to Series
    Written By: Delta


    Prologue: Let Loose the Wolves
    08:51 AM, Saturday 04 March, 0012 NE
    Sol System, Earth, Near Arkansas border, USA
    Beta and Delta slide behind a fallen tree as plasma flew over their heads. Delta peeked over to see where the Bakma were shooting them from but a plasma bolt hit a part of the tree right next to his head. “Veck!” yelled Delta. “Can you see them” asked Beta. “No I’m going to have to activate my TSM”. “But you only have 2 power cells you’ll be wasting one”. “Your right…I’ll try and get Alpha’s team to get here and help us” said Delta. Switching over to Alpha’s frequency Delta put his hand over his comm. “Alpha, this is Delta, me and Beta are pinned down is there ANY way you can get to us faster”? “Negative, we have not encountered any Bakma. We believe they are focusing their attention on you. Epsilon, Gamma, and I will sneak up and get the jump on them, Alpha out”. “God damn you Alpha!!” yelled Delta. “Is he coming?” asked Beta. Full of rage Delta answered “No”. Looking at his wrist, Delta saw the button that said TSM. Without hesitating he pushed, Beta looked up at him and yelled “Delta don’t-“, but Beta had been cut off. Delta looked around his surroundings; to his left he could see a frozen Beta. Delta stood up and looked around, all he saw were plasma bolts moving as slow as snails through the air. He followed the trajectory of each bolt until he had found the Bakma, 2 were stand about 7 yards in front of them while one was hiding on the branches of a tree. Delta lifted his z-24 and aimed it at the Bakma. He fired three bullets at each one, the bullets moving about 2 feet away only to stop in mid-air. Delta ran back and leaped over the tree just as is TSM deactivated, “-do it” Said Beta. The barrage of plasma bolts ceased at the sound of 3 thuds. Beta and Delta both stood up to see the Bakma bodies. “The Bakma’s cloak generator must have shut off when they died” Said Beta. At that moment the sound of gunfire ripped through the air. Signaling toward Beta, Delta ran straight for the sound while Beta struggled to keep up. ”Get down!” yelled Alpha. Epsilon and Gamma slide on their knees behind a boulder. “I’m pinned down over give me some suppressive fire!” screamed Alpha. “I would if I could see where we are being shot from!” yelled Gamma. At that moment Delta and Beta had arrived behind the Bakma unnoticed. “Can you see where they’re at?” whispered Beta. Delta looked ahead toward the area where plasma fire was coming from. Every time a Bakma shot it camouflage would make a type of static flash. Delta determined there were five Bakma all grouped together about 12 meters away from the others. Grabbing a grenade from his belt, Delta clicked the button and threw right in the middle of all the Bakma. He heard alien screams and then stillness, it was over. Standing up Delta looked around to see if there were any survivors while the rest joked around in the Pegasus. He saw a Bakma crawling towards a tree trunk, leaving a trail of crimson blood in the dirt. Delta slowed walked over to the Bakma, his gun pointed at him the entire time. When he final reached the Bakma he turned it over only to freeze up. The Bakma had a sash of plasma grenades strapped to it. Letting out a final chuckle, the Bakma flipped the switch on all of the grenades. The rest of the shadow-walkers must have seen what was happening because they were already screaming for Delta to run back. But before anyone could move Alpha told the pilot to head on back to the facility saying it was too dangerous to stay. Without another word Alpha closed the bay doors and walked away grinning the entire time. ”What the hell are you doing!” screamed Gamma. “There were Enough Grenades on that thing to blow us all to hell!” Alpha screamed back. “But there was enough time to save him. He is dying for nothing”! “What do you want command to hear that all five of their test subjects are dead or just one”! “I would like for it to be none”! “Well that ain’t happening so sit down and shut the hell up”! Gamma sat down quietly, her eyes starting to shimmer, while Beta and Epsilon just sat down quietly. Their gaze never left the floor.
    *Meanwhile*

    Delta watched as the Pegasus lifted off and flew away. He would have started to scream but was blown away by the large blast of the grenades, and knocked unconscious. When Delta woke up he tried to stand up, only to see a piece of wood the size of a ruler sticking out of his side. He stood up as best as he could and grabbed the piece of wood. Quickly, and painfully, he ripped it out with a blood curtailing scream. He pressed his hand against his side to try and prevent any blood loss, but knew it was a worthless attempt. With his free hand he tried to get in contact with any EDEN forces nearby, he went to go place his hand over his come unit only to realize that the blasted had destroyed almost his entire helmet. He took it off and threw it on the ground in a fit of rage, and then his entire body just relaxed. He knew he was more than likely going to die from blood lost, and for a moment let out a slight chuckle. ”Some super soldier I turned out to be, I fight throw my first battle unharmed only to die from blood loss. I find that ironic” he said to himself. Delta looked around the forest, looking for a good place to relax until ether help came or until he died. He found a tree that had been blasted down in the firefight, slowly, and painfully, he sat down and let out a sigh. But what happened next made his blood run colder then death itself. He heard a child’s laughter; Delta shot upwards looking for the source of the sound. He looked around frantically till he found it. It was a boy, only about 5 or 6. But what may Delta’s mind scream was the way the boy looked. He had black short hair that laid flat on his head and was no taller than 4 feet 5 inches; he had a light brown skin color and brown eyes to match it. But the thing that made Delta’s heart nearly stop was that it was the boy from his family picture. This can’t be real thought Delta. The boy turned around and started to run away until he stopped and signaled Delta to follow him. Without thinking he ran after the boy, swerving through trees and debris until he found himself in the middle of an open plain. That’s when he saw them. The boy ran into the arms of a women who was no older than 40. She had long dark brown hair and brown eyes. Next to her was a man in his mid-40s. He had spiked black hair and brown eyes as well. “This can’t be happening, no way this is real” said Delta. But even as Delta said this, his eyes began to swell up. The family smiled at him and waved him over. But before Delta could move a Noboat dematerialized above them. Delta heart stopped at what happened next. The Noboat fire a stream of plasma at the family. Delta watched as all of them were incinerated one by one, their bodies turning to ash. At that moment Delta fell to his knees. His mouth hung open but no words came out. Slowly, his vision started to blacken until he felt himself falling backwards. The last thing he saw was a blanket of red wash over him
    "You may not be interested in war, but war is interested in you."
    - Leon Trotsky


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:54 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.0
Copyright © 2017 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.
All Rights Reserved
vBulletin Skin By: PurevB.com